The Inaccurate Tourist

21. Foot

Of course you don't need me to tell you that this is World Cup time, unless you live in a tree or are American (although unlike Canada, they have a team this year). I was told early on that if I wanted to be able to socialize with the average français, I will have to be able to discuss the latest football or foot match, and know recent scores, major players, and what Zedine was up to.

When asked "did you see the game last night?", the only acceptable answer is "oui". In fact, I typically hadn't seen the game last night, and my French friends would challenge me -- what did I think of it then? "The French played admirably!" -- and if they lost -- "Well, we all learned something for next time."

Of course, when it came down to World Cup time, half-hearted fakery wouldn't cut it. However, since Japan/Korea is eight time zones away from France, all of the matches occur during the day. We spent the previous week thinking up half-brained television antennae/streaming media schemes. Fortunately, the company came to our rescue -- all of France's matches would be retransmitted en direct to the corporate amphitheatre. This building is generally used for large, impressive meetings and has very plush theatre seats, a theatre-sized screen and a pretty good quality sound system.

Before analysts rush to downgrade our stock because all of the engineers are off watching football, let me explain -- we are required to make up the hours. In fact, since we aren't taking vacation days (or worse, sick days), we are single-handedly turning the slumping telecommunications market around! Hooray for previously unnamed French employer ending in "tel"!

So, the first football game that I ever watched in its entirety was 2002 France versus Senegal. The major difference between hockey and football is that the fans yell Allez! Allez! when a player gets near the opposing teams goal for football, but in hockey we say Shoot! Shoot!. Of course, there are some other differences, such as the lack of ice, the clock that never stops (not even for commercial breaks!), and players that stay on the field for longer than fifteen seconds.

I have to admit that I've never been much of a team-sports fan. The kinds of sports I enjoy are hiking, swimming, canoeing. Man versus himself, as opposed to man versus man. I'm hardly watch any hockey, although I do wear a lot of Wayne Gretzky brand clothing. But, like watching my first NHL game just before leaving Vancouver, watching my first football game made me think I've been missing out.

Of course, much like my first NHL game, my team lost. Senegal won 1 to 0, but at least they speak French (I overheard this spurious reasoning on the métro). I saw a bit of celebrating on the Champs-Elysée, but it was apparently against the city ordinance forbidding public display of gloating in bad taste (without a license (and insurance)). The police came and ineffectually blew their whistles in the faces of bystanders.

The first part of the World Cup divides the thirty-two participating teams into eight groups. Every team in a group plays the other three groups once. Our group (A) has France, Senegal, Uruguay and Denmark. With the loss against Senegal, France needed to shine in the next two matches in order to qualify for the second part, which was why the results against Uruguay were disappointing (a nulle match, or draw).

Although the second game was zero - zero, it was a pretty intense game. It was much rougher than the first. In fact, we were robbed nearly immediately as Thierry Henry was red-carded for a "tackle". There are quite a few fouls in the game, and it was hard to determine exactly what made this one more foul than the others -- the typical rule is that somebody dives in front of somebody's feet, who performs a terrific tumble (to be repeated in slo-mo if opportune). The offender immediately puts his hands in the air, to indicate that he didn't do anything and all his fans say "well, the grass was slippery, it could have happened to anybody". The offended team all point indignantly and their fans say "red-card him! red-card him!" This occurs about thirty times during the game.

Of the four teams, every team has had a draw, two teams have won a game and two teams have lost a game. This means that any team can make it to the second part -- all France has to do is win the next game by two points. The next game is Tuesday morning in France.

But of course, the real question is what I've eaten. Well, I had the good fortune to sample real mozzarella (which makes Parisian mozzarella look old, tough and bitter... and Parisian mozzarella makes North American mozzarella look like cheddar). Real mozzarella must be eaten immediately. We ate ours less than thirty hours after it had been made in Naples, and our hosts were already apologizing that the taste had changed. Regardless, it had a subtle, slightly salty, lightly milky, deliciously pure mozzarella flavour that I will hope one day to taste again.

I also ate gésier on lettuce the other day. This is the muscle in the duck that acts to break up the food in preparation for digestion. That's right, it's the gizzard. It takes a flock to top a salad, but it's deliciously duckily tasty.

I went to see Attack of the Clones the other day. I like to watch foreign films in their native language instead of dubbed, so I went to a V.O. versus V.F. (version originale versus versus française). The best part of the movie was before it began -- I asked the cashier for a ticket to the movie and showing, and she warned me that it was in English. That made my day. (Unfortunately, even in the English version, the aliens were re-subtitled in French. Fortunately, I read French.)

The other proof that I'm adapting to the culture occurred at work. I was picking out the olives from my duck, and a co-worker asked me if I disliked olives. I replied that I disliked these olives. They were so proud, they had tears in their eyes. Speaking ill of the cafeteria food is a cherished French tradition.

Hockey, soccer or football? Which is more violent? more intense? requires more talent? more interesting to watch? more interesting to play? Tastier than gizzard? Did you know the French word for foosball is babyfoot?

Posted by The Inaccurate Tourist at June 7, 2002 12:00 PM