May 15, 2004
56. Paris Flash Mob
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: A flash mob and something red.
I received my cryptic email on Thursday -- another Parisian flash mob is going to be held on May 15th. Wear black. More details to follow on the big morning.
This is typical flash mob mobilisation. You get a few days warning for the date (and maybe a hint), and on the morning you get an email giving you the time, an address to meet to pick up the printed instructions and any other special requirements. In this case, it was near the Jardins de Luxembourg, where the tourist finds the inaccessible French Senate and the French find a bit of Saturday sun and repose.
When you get around to asking me, the secrecy is mainly for fellowship. I have no doubt that the media and the police were informed, and that they cared less. We all signed up anonymously, so I don't know anyone in the crowd. We disappear after astonishing the on-lookers, so it's not like we're hanging out. But it's a thrill to see some girls garbed in black walking down the same little impasse where the dealer is handing out little flyers. We exchange a knowing smile, and a wink without speaking.
The instructions were provocatively labeled "BLACK &", except the ampersand was cut off, as if the designer had ineptly placed the title... or had he? Black and... what?
We were instructed to group together at a certain gate at 14h53 and walk towards the center of the park at 14h54. There's a large fountain. We were to wait on our side of the fountain until the bells finished ringing the hour.
And that's what we did. Black Group was a bit too quick, so we all arrived on our side of the fountain. Nothing was happening on the other side. We waited for a couple of seconds, eagerly. Someone asked me to snap their photo and email it to her. So I did.
When suddenly, White Group marched into position on the other side of the fountain. Hey, White Group, don't you know how to synchronize your watch? Arrgh. Black Group resents White Group. White Group is WRECKING EVERYTHING for Black Group.
The two groups stare at each other. Imagined tension is in my air. As French and Tourists alike tremble in confusion and apathy, I take a picture of myself.
Suddenly, the bells peal. BONG bong b.o.n.g. Is that it? Is that the signal?! GO! Get them! Black Group starts chasing after White Group, travelling clockwise around the fountain. White Group flees around the other side of the fountain. Or are they chasing Black Group, and we are fleeing? It's a serious topsy-turvy philosophical image that I will thoroughly investigate after I get me a White Groupian and hang his head on my wall as a trophy.
It's warm out, but the stalwart Black-clad warriors don't hesitate. I bust a lung chasing the tail end of the White Group. I caught a lovely White Groupian with copper hair and matching sunglasses. She seems... human? Perhaps it is we who are the monsters. "Enchanté," she exclaims. I've forgotten my fury. What were we even arguing about?
When all the Black Group and White Group were caught, we applauded for a minute and then tried to melt away. It was slow going, because we all had a lot to think about.
I was away from the action when an older French man told me that we would have been better off in the bois de boulogne, where nobody would see us and we wouldn't bother Parisians seeking their weekendly rest. Then he told me that it was an idiot demonstration. I told him that it was ephemeral art that brought together strangers to share a moment in baffling others, that it didn't hurt anyone, and now at least he has something to talk about. Strangely enough, he agreed, and told me that Paris is "The City of Humans".
Posted by The Inaccurate Tourist at May 15, 2004 07:55 PMBrilliant!
Though my attempts to use visual art to pick up the opposite sex have been less successful than yours.
Did you get Mme. Blanc's number?
Posted by: Kelaine at May 19, 2004 05:44 PMThis is most impressive thing I have seen in some time. Good stuff Ryan! And to think I once heard that Ryan was an irresponsible idler - this should put the kibosh on that rumour once and for all. Hooray for White! Down with Black!
Posted by: Snowy at May 20, 2004 11:10 PMThat is the strangest thing I have ever heard of. What, real mobs are too bourgeois, is that it? Don't want to get your hands dirty actually breaking windows and smashing things? Can we really trust the French if they display such calculated insouciance en masse? I say no.
Posted by: Gilman at May 21, 2004 09:46 PMHOORAY for Black Group! HOORAY, I say!
Posted by: Ryan at May 22, 2004 07:54 PM"White Group is WRECKING EVERYTHING for Black Group"....very reminiscent of Paula Poundstone's classic "People on the left" airplane routine...are you biting Paula's routine now that she's out of a job on the Tonight Show? Don't!
Currently, my fave lyric is OutKast - Roses..."I know you like to thank your sh*t don't stink, But lean a little bit closer, see that roses really smell like poo-oo-oo" I just can't get it out of my head.
And my fave sing-a-long on the whole is the Sugababes - In the Middle...go download it and sing along:
Chorus (2x):
I'm caught up in the middle
Jumping through the riddle
I'm falling just a little tonight (uh uh)
Cos everybody's making trouble
Someone's burst their bubble
But we'll be getting by alright (uh uh uh)
Sooner or later this drunken elevator
Is gonna stop where I'm supposed to be
It's ten past eleven, I'm half way up to heaven
But I'm stuck in reality
Night's kind of funny
Not in it for the money
But I know that I've gotta pay
Love's gonna getcha
But only when I letcha
And I don't wanna turn away
Why can't the boys see the toys
That the girls want the boys to be
And why can't the girls see the world
That the boys want the girls to see, yeah
Chorus (1x)
At night it's on the low
No front just sing the flow
We're speaking all in code
To get to the place we know
Sweat running down my back
I'm wearing leather, black
Falling into a trap
There is no turning back
I got my ladies with me
Fellas get cool and freaky
But we've gotta keep him tame
Cos we don't wanna play that game
Everybody from the block
Needs to be feeling nice
It ain't no weakest party
But get up enjoy the ride
What you see and what you hear
Can never be exposed
Acting out of character
Is everything we know
Chorus (2x)
I know it's kind of tender
My body's tired
It's freaky but I'm ready for this bumpy ride
Everybody's tripping
It's all insane
But the voices in my head are saying it's ok
Trying to slow it down or
It's against the rush
Gotta keep it cool to avoid the crush
I dream that I scream and it's starting to show
That I've moved it on
Cos I've changed the flow
Chorus (2x)
But we'll be getting by alright (uh uh uh)
But we'll be getting by alright (uh uh uh)
Trust me...that song is addictive, but make sure you download the remix, cuz it's twice the length.
So you've all been wondering what I've been up to??? Well, for my birthday, I went to Sonar (a club in Vancouver) and the DJ was none other than Boy George of Culture Club fame. After his set, Boy (that's what I call him, cuz we're good friends now), came up and intro'd himself and shook my hand. Do you know that he still records??? Well he does. He just does vocals for other groups, ya know, club stuff. Man, he is old, but all the makeup keeps him looking young.
In two days I'm getting my nose fixed...just the inside...not the outside. Also, I just got an e-mail from my friend in Belgium, and oddly enough, the day that I received it, I had been walking down S. Granville, and noticed that Bernard Callebaut, the Belgium choclatier, had closed shop. Sorry, but I just refuse to eat Pot of Gold.
Today, I bought some new shoes. I wore them to lunch with Sandra. She sure liked my new jacket as well. Why? Cuz I'm a ROCKSTAR. She tells me that all the time. When do the royalties start kicking in though? Hmmmmm.....
Well, I must be going as it is very late...I think it's 11:30 Parisian time.
Posted by: Zachary Daqueri at May 30, 2004 11:29 AMDid I mention that I adore the new header with the neon eiffle tower?
Love it, love it, love it!
Stop being so adventurous and stay home and post more stuff! I don't really mean that... Just a little bit..
Posted by: Kelaine at June 1, 2004 04:33 AM