The Inaccurate Tourist

56. Paris Flash Mob

Q: What's black and white and red all over?

A: A flash mob and something red.

I received my cryptic email on Thursday -- another Parisian flash mob is going to be held on May 15th. Wear black. More details to follow on the big morning.

This is typical flash mob mobilisation. You get a few days warning for the date (and maybe a hint), and on the morning you get an email giving you the time, an address to meet to pick up the printed instructions and any other special requirements. In this case, it was near the Jardins de Luxembourg, where the tourist finds the inaccessible French Senate and the French find a bit of Saturday sun and repose.

When you get around to asking me, the secrecy is mainly for fellowship. I have no doubt that the media and the police were informed, and that they cared less. We all signed up anonymously, so I don't know anyone in the crowd. We disappear after astonishing the on-lookers, so it's not like we're hanging out. But it's a thrill to see some girls garbed in black walking down the same little impasse where the dealer is handing out little flyers. We exchange a knowing smile, and a wink without speaking.

The instructions were provocatively labeled "BLACK &", except the ampersand was cut off, as if the designer had ineptly placed the title... or had he? Black and... what?

We were instructed to group together at a certain gate at 14h53 and walk towards the center of the park at 14h54. There's a large fountain. We were to wait on our side of the fountain until the bells finished ringing the hour.

And that's what we did. Black Group was a bit too quick, so we all arrived on our side of the fountain. Nothing was happening on the other side. We waited for a couple of seconds, eagerly. Someone asked me to snap their photo and email it to her. So I did.

When suddenly, White Group marched into position on the other side of the fountain. Hey, White Group, don't you know how to synchronize your watch? Arrgh. Black Group resents White Group. White Group is WRECKING EVERYTHING for Black Group.

The two groups stare at each other. Imagined tension is in my air. As French and Tourists alike tremble in confusion and apathy, I take a picture of myself.

Suddenly, the bells peal. BONG bong b.o.n.g. Is that it? Is that the signal?! GO! Get them! Black Group starts chasing after White Group, travelling clockwise around the fountain. White Group flees around the other side of the fountain. Or are they chasing Black Group, and we are fleeing? It's a serious topsy-turvy philosophical image that I will thoroughly investigate after I get me a White Groupian and hang his head on my wall as a trophy.

It's warm out, but the stalwart Black-clad warriors don't hesitate. I bust a lung chasing the tail end of the White Group. I caught a lovely White Groupian with copper hair and matching sunglasses. She seems... human? Perhaps it is we who are the monsters. "Enchanté," she exclaims. I've forgotten my fury. What were we even arguing about?

When all the Black Group and White Group were caught, we applauded for a minute and then tried to melt away. It was slow going, because we all had a lot to think about.

I was away from the action when an older French man told me that we would have been better off in the bois de boulogne, where nobody would see us and we wouldn't bother Parisians seeking their weekendly rest. Then he told me that it was an idiot demonstration. I told him that it was ephemeral art that brought together strangers to share a moment in baffling others, that it didn't hurt anyone, and now at least he has something to talk about. Strangely enough, he agreed, and told me that Paris is "The City of Humans".